Quote of the Day (2011-04-30)

Tom Hanks: This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2011-04-29)

ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaggggh'. He'd just say it!

MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!

GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-04-28)

Jim Hacker: "Sir Mark thinks there maybe votes in it. And if so, I don't intend to look a gift horse in the mouth."

Sir Humphrey: "I put it to you, Minister, that you are looking a Trojan Horse in the mouth."

Jim Hacker: "If we look closely at this gift horse, we'll find it's full of Trojans?"

Bernard Woolley: "If you had looked a Trojan Horse in the mouth, Minister, you would have found Greeks inside. Well the point is that it was the Greeks that gave the Trojan Horse to the Trojans, so technically it wasn't a Trojan Horse at all, it was a Greek Horse. Hence the tag Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes which you recall is usually, and somewhat inaccurately translated as Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Or doubtless you would have recalled had you not attended the LSE. [...] No well, the point is, Minister, that just as the Trojan Horse was in fact Greek, what you describe as a Greek tag is in fact Latin. It's obvious really, the Greeks would never suggest bewaring of themselves if one used such a participle, bewaring that is, and it is clearly Latin, not because Timeo ends in 'o', because the Greek first person also ends in 'o'. Though actually, there is a Greek word called Timao meaning I honour. But the 'os' ending is a nominative singular termination of the second declension in Greek, and an accusative plural in Latin of course, though actually Danaos is not only the Greek for Greek but also the Latin for Greek, it is very interesting really."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-04-27)

There's only 150 of them!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-04-26)

Zathras: Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life... probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2011-04-25)

Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away?

Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey!

Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel.

H.I.: Yes, ma'am.

Dot: What would Ed and little angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate?

Ed McDonnough: Yeah honey! What if you get run over?

Dot: Or carried off by a twister?

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2011-04-24)

H.I.: And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2011-04-23)

Alice: Boy, you men kill me; you're all alike. You want us women to bow and scrape at your feet. You men just think that you own this world.

Ralph: Yeah, but you women get revenge. You marry us!

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2011-04-22)

Frasier: I remember the very first time I ever held him [Frederick] in my arms as a newborn. It was as if everything else in the universe simply melted away. There was just a father, a son, and the distant sound of Lilith saying, "If you ever come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-04-21)

I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-04-20)

Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack!

[they all stab themselves]

Suicide Squad Leader: That showed 'em, huh?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-04-19)

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-04-18)

Blessed are the cheesmakers.

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-04-17)

Frasier: Afternoon, all.

Woody: Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?

Frasier: Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bed-wetting.

Woody: Yeah, that's fatherhood.

Frasier: No, that's my therapy group. What a buncha losers.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2011-04-16)

Bren: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream...

Source: Juno

Quote of the Day (2011-04-15)

A scratch? Your arm's off!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-04-14)

Mrs. Richards: I've booked a room with a bath and a sea view for three nights. I specifically asked for a sea view in my written confirmation, so please make sure I have it.

Manuel: Qué?

Mrs. Richards: What?

Manuel: Qué?

Mrs. Richards: K?

Manuel: Sí.

Mrs. Richards: KC? KC? What are you trying to say?

Manuel: No, no no no. Qué?, "what."

Mrs. Richards: K. Watt?

Manuel: Sí: qué?, "what."

Mrs. Richards: C.K. Watt?

Manuel: Yes.

Mrs. Richards: Who is this C.K. Watt?

Manuel: Qué??

Mrs. Richards: Is he the manager?

Manuel: Oh, Manajer.

Mrs. Richards: He is.

Manuel: Ah, Mr. Fawlty.

Mrs. Richards: Oh, what are you talking about, you silly little man?

[to Polly]

Mrs. Richards: Girl, I start to ask this man about my room, and he tells me the manager is a Mr. Watt, aged forty.

Manuel: No, no no. "Fawwl-ty."

Mrs. Richards: Faulty? What's wrong with him?

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2011-04-13)

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2011-04-12)

"This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like, you're almost glad to be handicapped."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-04-11)

Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Now let's say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-04-10)

[Rugen has invited Humperdinck to watch Westley being tortured]

Prince Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.

Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-04-09)

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-04-08)

Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.

Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-04-07)

PILATE

Now ... anyone else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwend ...

(He goes right up to one of the GUARDS.)

Biggus ... Dickus. He has a wife you know.

(The GUARDS tense up.)

Called Incontinentia.

(The GUARDS relax.)

Incontinentia Buttocks!

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-04-06)

Gale: All right, ya hayseeds, it's a stick-up. Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.

Feisty Hayseed: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see...

Gale: Shut up!

Feisty Hayseed: Okay then.

Gale: Everybody down on the ground!

Evelle: Y'all can just forget that part about freezin' now.

Gale: Better still to get down there.

Evelle: Yeah, y'all hear that, don't ya?

[Everybody lays down. Gale looks at the now-empty teller windows]

Gale: Shit! Where'd all the tellers go?

Teller's voices: We're down here, sir.

Evelle: They're on the floor as you commanded, Gale.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2011-04-05)

Ralph: Norton, I'm gonna count to five. And when I get to five you better be out that door.

Norton: I'm not a-scared of you. If you could count they wouldn't be investigating your taxes.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2011-04-04)

Sir Humphrey: "It must be hard for a political adviser to understand this, but I'm merely a civil servant. I simply do as I am instructed by my master."

Jim Hacker: "What happens when a Minister is a woman, what'll you call her?"

Sir Humphrey: "Yes, that is rather interesting. We sought an answer to that point when I was Principal Private Secretary and Dr. Edith Summerskill - as she then was - was appointed Minister in 1947. I didn't quite like to refer to her as my mistress."

Jim Hacker: "What was the answer?"

Sir Humphrey: "Oh, we're still waiting for it."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-04-03)

Bernard Woolley: "Now, may I just have your approval for this Local Government Allowances Amendment Number 2 for this year's regulations."

Jim Hacker: "What is it?"

Bernard Woolley: "It is a Statutory Instrument to be laid before the House. As Minister responsible for local government we need you to authorize that the revised Paragraph 5 of Number 2 Regulations 1971 shall come into operation on March the 18th next, revoking Regulation 7 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulations 1954(b)."

Jim Hacker: "What the hell does all that mean?"

Bernard Woolley: "It is all right, there is an explanatory note, Minister. These Regulations are to make provisions for prescribing the amount of attendance and financial loss allowances payable to the members of local authorities. Explanatory note: Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1971 ("the 1971 regulations") substituted a new regulation for Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations. Regulation 3 of the Local Government Allowances Amendment Regulation 1972 ("the 1972 regulations") further made amends Regulation 3 of the 1954 Regulations by increasing the maximum rates of attendance and financial loss allowances. Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations revoked both regulation 3 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations, Regulation 5 being a regulation revoking earlier spent regulations with the effect from 1st April next. These regulations preserve Regulations 2 and 5 of the 1971 Regulations by revoking Regulation 7 of the 1972 Regulations.

Jim Hacker: "And that's an explanatory note???"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-04-02)

Homer: It's easy to be president. Just point the army and shoot.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2011-04-01)

Homer: It's true, I'm a rageoholic! I just can't get enough RAGEOHOL!

[cries]

Source: The Simpsons